stopracismandhomophobiaongrindr:
stopracismandhomophobiaongrindr:
Oh I totally get you, and agree that could be the context here. But that still shows the heteronormative being attached to gay life. Us gay men live in a different world. I for one grow tired of having heterosexual norms, fears, misperceptions, and ideas constantly attached to my behaviours. So even within the context you’ve explained, I am irritated by the statement “be safe”.stopracismandhomophobiaongrindr:
BE SAFE, PLEASE. Have any of you heard words to this effect from one of your heterosexual female friends before? I know I have, and it really pisses me off.It’s the words, it’s the tone, it’s everything about the “I hope you’re being safe” statement that I have a problem with. What do these people think? That we gay men have absolutely no clue what safe sex is? That we need to be reminded constantly about the risks of gay sex, as though we hardly ever hear safe sex campaigns, despite being blasted with them for the last THREE DECADES. And worst of all, that somehow HIV is still 100% a gay disease!Most heterosexual women I know don’t say the same thing to their female friends every time they go on a date. They don’t say it to their heterosexual male friends either. No. Just us gays. Most heterosexual women I know barely give safe sex a second thought when it comes to their own behaviour. They’re all on the pill, and their only focus is not getting pregnant. I don’t know about any of you, but I find lot of heterosexual females treat their gay male friends in condescending ways. I wonder if these women really have much of a clue about what it means to be a gay male, or if they are just focussed on having their very own stereotypical “Will & Grace” moment.Now, before anyone starts hating, I know there are always exceptions to every rule, and I am not trying to paint all heterosexual women in the same light. But I have heard these sorts of statements way too often for it to be coincidental.So, fag-hag, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, PLEASE! We don’t need to hear your condescending safe-sex messages any longer. In fact, best you go out and buy yourself some condoms instead, AND USE THEM.Not to counter and of the above -at all- but it is worth remembering that afab folks are told from the moment society deems them remotely sexual (usually eight or nine years old, sometimes younger than that) that strangers will rape and murder us. That going out in public is dangerous. That meeting people from the internet is dangerous and reckless. That it’s unsafe, and that by doing unsafe things, it will be our faults if horrific things happen to use because we weren’t being safe.
‘Be safe, please’ might not mean ‘practice safe sex’; it might mean ‘please don’t get raped or murdered, that’s a thing that happens when you meet people from the internet, everyone has always told me so’
More context is needed.
But again, you know your friend better than I do, and I do not mean to counter your analysis at all. I have no doubt that it’s often exactly the case.
I personally took her comment as “please be safe when meeting a stranger on the internet, it’s risky so let people know where you are at all times” sort of thing.
I swear, anytime a gay man starts to complain about how he’s being oppressed or disrespected, I am tempted to punch them in the face. And complaining how het women are condescending to gay men? Look at your people and notice how offensive, homophobic, and misogynistic you people are towards women and trans*
I agree with you about the misogyny of gay men towards women and trans. It is a disgusting aspect of most gay men, but it is not something all of us engage in or are unconscious of. But as for your statement regarding wanting to punch every gay man who complains about being oppressed - that isn’t cool at all. As for this post of mine, it is directed at heterosexual cis-women who treat their gay male friends as a combination “entertainment unit / walking disease”That’s something I’ve observed many times, it’s a real thing, and I’m not going to shut up just because you feel like playing the “who is more oppressed than who” game. My whole blog is devoted to exposing the foulness of gay men when it comes to their hypocrisy and unconsciousness; this post just happens to point out an aspect of some cis-straight-women that I think sucks. DESPITE ALL OF THAT: I definitely concede there’s more to the “be safe” comment than my initial reaction to it. I am grateful so many people have pointed that out. I would still be irritated if anyone says it to me (in the “be safe, I hope you’re using condoms” context), but can see that not every woman who says it means it in a condescending way.
Misogyny among the male gayz: a problem
Concern trolling (?) from purported allies of the male gayz: a problem
These are not mutually exclusive!
While “be careful” can carry various meanings, I have personally experienced it as a euphemism for “don’t get the hiv” too many times. Maybe it wasn’t like that in this case? But it def happens. Like, I’m collecting writings to make a ’zine about it many times, haha. (And thousands of other topics of course.)
I oppose the “we are sooooo oppressed” excuses from white gay cis men who concurrently spew ignorance and vitriol, but we still have some legit issues, ya?
(via endracismandhomophobia)
